How would you describe where you’re at now?

I am living an amazing, mostly very happy life! I adore food, in a way I didn’t think I’d ever be able to have. I feel safe and loving in my body, I see food as healing and joyful instead of scary and powerful. I still absolutely have days where things are harder than usual, but food doesn’t play a role in that anymore, and food doesn’t have power over me anymore.

What are three things you have learned about yourself/the world in this process?

I learnt that deeply loving myself is truly rebellious in this world, and is a fight worth fighting.
I learnt that people can and do truly love every part of you, even the ones you don’t yet love.
I learnt that there is ALWAYS hope to be found. Life is changeable, and wonderful.

If you could go back to talk to yourself at the beginning of recovery what would you tell that version of you?

I am not sure honestly! She was so young and scared, I’d want to comfort her and tell her that she will become the person she always dreamt of being. I think I would say that I am strong, I am wonderful, and I am complex. I wouldn’t want to give too much false hope that recovery will be super easy and quick, but I would want to tell myself that it is certainly possible, and that life will only be better on the other side. Part of me thought that there would be nothing I would find exciting, exhilarating, or comforting on the other side of an ED, but I was so so wrong! I was going to see 23 countries, do two degrees (maybe more), fall in love many times, and achieve more than I could have imagined. I’d want younger me to know particularly that having an ED made me the person I am today, and I adore her. She is strong, empathic, and passionate.

What are some things that were helpful in recovery?

An incredible therapist, journaling constantly, spending time with friends and family that made me feel loved and seen. Expecting and being okay with dips and plateaus in progress, patience!

Why do you think you were able to make progress in recovery?

I think a lot of what helped me was opening my heart to loving myself slowly and gently. It didn’t happen overnight, and it was hard, but I saw the strength and resistance of my body and slowly, over time, began to feel that. I was completely resistant to change for a long time, but the wisdom of an incredible therapist slowly worked its way into my brain, until without even realising, I felt softer, safer, freer.

3 words to describe your ED?

seductive, protective, intelligent

Are there any gifts/ lessons that you are grateful for from your ED experience?

Absolutely! I am 100% the person I am today because of my ED and I am grateful for it every day. I have lived, in such a short time, such an emotionally enriching and empathic life because I’ve felt the depths of pain and come back from that. I feel like I can understand so many more ways to be human now, and I know that that is a gift to go forward with!

What do you think is commonly misunderstood about EDs and mental health?

That they are about vanity. Absolutely not! I wish people understood how incredibly intelligent people with EDs are- amazing, thoughtful people experience this hardship and it is so incorrect to suggest that that is not the case. There are endless misconceptions about mental health so all we can do is keep fighting for our authentic voices and experiences to be heard.

If you could give a message to someone going through an ED right now what would you say?

Be kind, be gentle, be loving to yourself. There are so many people in this world that understand your experience and have lived to see another side of life away from an ED One day you will join this cohort of miraculous, loving, fiercely brave, creative forces of compassion and empathy. Never, ever give up hope, and fight to love every version of yourself. They are all incredible.

Is there anything else you would like to say?

Truly just thank you Jacqueline. She made this whole process possible. She unleashed the strength and kindness in me. She is forever imprinted in my brain as the woman who taught me to love and explore myself.