This time of year can be exciting, overwhelming and sometimes really confronting. With increased pace, sense of social expectations along with the seasonal, unhelpful ideas about food and body on offer in abundance, it is easy to feel yourself unravelling from the wellbeing you might have worked hard to establish during the year.

Saying no, finding balance, accepting imperfection and being willing to be different in your approach is not easy for many people. If you are more sensitive, prone to people pleasing, anxiety and empathy – it can feel impossible, almost like your decisions are being puppeted by those around you.

Finding wellness, and staying well, requires building an ability to recognise what is your want versus what is another’s want. It requires recognising that doing something unhealthy just because someone else wants you to isn’t good for either of you. It means getting really clear on what the messages are behind these routine requests and whether that is something you want to subscribe to. Realising what it is costing you, and whether that is truly worth it, is essential.

This time of year is a powerful opportunity to put in place the boundaries you might have been working on through the year.

Here are some ideas to support you in holding your ground over the silly season:

• Nothing magical is going to happen before Christmas, New Year or whichever celebration you feel pressured to ‘catch up with everyone by’. It is so common to hear people say ‘we must catch up before …!’ – and if you want to and feel excited to, commit to that and enjoy it. But so often it is a symptom of collective rush and the quality of that catch up is impacted by the stress and overwhelm both parties might be feeling. Everyone you care about will still be there in a few weeks’ time, and in a few months’ time, and it is ok to suggest waiting until things settle down.
• You are allowed to say no to invitations. You can do so kindly, but you don’t need to over-explain. Find the amount of social activity that supports you but doesn’t drain you. Maybe three social catch ups a week is a nice balance for you. Once three catch ups are in your diary, you are allowed to say no to the next opportunity, or suggest a later date.
• If people are annoyed by your inability to attend a function, eat the way they feel is appropriate, participate in the various rituals that may surface in your culture or community at this time – let that be ok. If they can’t see that you are taking care of yourself by stepping back, and validate how amazing that is, it doesn’t take away from the truth of what you are doing for yourself. Ultimately, sometimes we have to choose to fill our own cup or live in a constant state of deprivation (and you’ve probably already seen the cost of the later!). Anyone who truly loves you would want the best for you, even if they don’t recognise it when you are doing it for yourself.
• With every decision that may come up in the following weeks – to socialise, how to eat, how much to give, etc. – try to gauge where your choice is coming from. Name that part if you can. How much is Guilt choosing? Obligation? Belief that you are not enough? Perfectionism? Love? Excitement? Try to notice this without judgement and assess how much of where you are moving from this season is inspired by the qualities this time of year talks most about – harmony, peace, joy and sharing.